‘Battle scars can be beautiful’
BY RENÉ MICHELE
I grew up in a carefree, country town existence. I remember vividly the feeling of freedom, peace and spaciousness of living in the country, swimming in freshwater creeks in the summer and watching the snow fall and cover the ground in the winter. At eight years old, I didn’t have a care in the world.
But life was to change dramatically.
I was 10 when my parents divorced, and my mum [struggled] as a single mum with five children to raise. We moved often, and she ended up in a series of troubled relationships.
Unfortunately, my life filled with abuse, violence and fear [from some of these men] for many years. Feeling shame at what was happening to me, combined with not wanting to upset my mother, I didn't tell her what was happening.
The vivacious, outgoing, curious, happy girl I had been, faded. I became painfully shy – I had no voice and I felt worthless and invisible. I started getting bullied at school, and pretty much struggled all my teenage years, feeling like I didn't fit in anywhere.
I started self-harming, drinking and doing anything to avoid and numb my feelings, while trying to find my way in life. But I didn’t know what having a healthy, functional life meant or looked like.
Church and change
Things really began to change when I had my daughter at age 26. I looked down at her as a newborn and I promised her that she would never have the life that I had. I went on to have a second child. A beautiful son. My children mean everything to me!
When I first had my daughter, I thought, “Well, you've tried everything else René, why not church? What have you got to lose?” I found a church around the corner and went that Sunday.
“I had no voice, and I felt worthless and invisible.”
With my baby girl in tow, I walked into the church and found it to be a special service that day. God’s incredible timing! There were abuse survivors talking about how they’d built happy, healthy lives. When I looked around the room, people were crying, people were applauding.
That was the moment that I thought, “Maybe I've got this all wrong, maybe it’s not shameful what happened to me, maybe there is hope.”
I put my hand up in that service and went, “Yep, I want what they’ve all got. I don’t know what that means, but I want a relationship with Jesus if that’s truly how much he loves me.”
I accepted Christ into my life that day. I rebuilt my life based on who he said I was – that I was precious, loved and created for a purpose.
Caring for others
I work for the Salvos now – as a Freedom Pathways support worker on the Sunshine Coast in Queensland. My role there is to listen to, care for, and connect people with services and support to help them get back on their feet ... I just love it. I go to work every day, grateful and energised.
My life today is full of faith, love, safety, peace, happiness, success, travel and career satisfaction. Daily, my children and I share and celebrate our dreams, laughter, independence, strength, hope and, most of all, our happy, healthy and thriving family. I am so very grateful!
I remember when I first read the Old Testament in the Bible. I was confused – I thought that I would never measure up to God’s standard. And then I learned that was the whole reason that Jesus came and died on the cross – so I could meet God’s standard, without having to do anything. He did it for me, and for everyone. The amount of gratitude and overwhelming joy I felt was unbelievable. It continually overwhelms me!
If you need help:
· In an emergency, call 000
· Lifeline — 24/7 crisis and suicide support — 13 11 14
To order a copy of René’s book Battle Scars Are Beautiful: From Victim To Victory, click here
