Not quite right

 While based in the UK for an appointment, I would often use a phrase that would either cause my colleagues to give me a confused look or even laugh out loud.

While occasionally, I confess, I would take delight in playing up to their perception of Australians (‘Crikey!’), often the phrase I’d utter was one that I’ve always used.

For example, I was in a management meeting, and talk turned to an employee who was behaving quite oddly and in a bizarre way. I said, “He’s a sandwich short of a picnic”, and people looked at me like I was a Martian. After a moment’s silence, I realised why they were staring at me and I said, “I could have gone worse; I was going to say he’s got a kangaroo loose in the top paddock.” They all laughed.

So, what are some Army or Bible-based statements we could make about anyone who suddenly behaves in an erratic, weird or unexpected fashion?

“He’s missed a button on his tunic, hasn’t he?”

“She’s a beat or two short of a timbrel solo.”

“He’s missing all the accidentals at the moment.” (This one is more specifically said of a musician.)

“His ark is still floating but he’s already seeing rainbows.”

“She’s dropped her two coins in the box and they haven’t quite landed.”

“His trombone slide has slipped well away and ain’t coming back.”

“She made the curried egg sandwiches but forgot the curry. And the egg.”

“His cap must be a size too small.”

“He’s done a Stephen and got rocks in his head.”

“She’s making me exclaim the Aussie version of Ruth – Strewth.”

“I think someone’s fired a few too many volleys lately.”

I’m sure you can think of your own or try one of these on your friends at church next Sunday. We all know someone who occasionally acts not quite right. In my family, it’s me.

–      Major Mal Davies is Assistant Divisional Commander for the Victoria Division.