The what Army?

Many readers will know, I’m sure, of how The Salvation Army came about its name. As William Booth was checking a printer’s proof for the 1878 annual report of The Christian Mission, he changed a description of the movement as a ‘volunteer army’ to say that we were a ‘salvation army’ of committed individuals.
Along with several other factors (such as wearing something to identify members and the need for a structure, as well as the sense of being engaged in spiritual warfare), being known as an ‘army’ made good sense, and the name caught on. Booth was emphatic that our primary ‘business’ was salvation, and so we became an army of believers promoting and teaching salvation.
Imagine if Booth was having a bad day or a mental blank or a ‘senior’s moment’ (although he wasn’t even 50 then), and he pencilled in the wrong word that subsequently caught on as our title. What else could we be called?
The Starvation Army – Booth woke up at 3am the next morning, sat bolt upright in bed and said, ‘Starvation? I meant salvation. Oh, William, what have you done? I must send a telegram to the printers first thing in the morning.’ Sadly, they’d already run off 1000 copies through the night and had eagerly sent them out to Christian Mission sites for distribution before the telegram arrived.
There was no way Booth could stop all of the copies from getting out, and before he knew it, Starvationists were fasting regularly as they proclaimed the Gospel throughout the world. Junior Soldiers were taught to watch their diets, and the mercy seat was filled each Sunday with Starvationists who had sinned by secretly eating an extra slice of fruitcake that week.
The Salutation Army – Again, before William could fix the mistake, Salutationists began greeting people wildly in the streets in the name of Jesus.
“Hello! Hello there! Nice to see you! Good morning, ladies. Lovely to see you again, gentlemen. Hello kids. We salute you in the name of Jesus. Jesus loves you all and says ‘hello’ to you on this fine day. Come and say ‘hello’ to him today. Receive his salutations as he freely offers them.”
The Salivating Army – It was believed, by Salivationists, that miraculous and holy transformations could be achieved by spitting on people. They based their evangelism and healing techniques on Mark 7:33, Mark 8:23 and John 9:6, when Jesus healed people using his own saliva.
Salivationist who attended weekly Sunday meetings, learnt quickly not to sit in the front rows or to at least take an umbrella, especially if the officer was preaching on the seductive Shulamite strumpet who sought solace from Solomon, as recorded in Song of Solomon. Showers of blessing weren’t the only showers provided on those days.
So, I’m glad we’re a Salvation Army: I like my fruitcake too much to join The Starvation Army, and I’m too introverted to serve in The Salutation Army, and The Salivation Army just sounds, well, wet. So, let’s tell people about salvation instead. That works for me.
Major Mal Davies is the Assistant Divisional Commander for the Victoria Division