Beyond bystanders: Men driving change towards gender equality
- kirranicolle
- 2 hours ago
- 4 min read
Interview with MARCUS TAWFIK, TSA Senior Manager Practice and Development, interviewed by LILLY MCKEICH, National Family Violence Specialist. With the 16 Days of Activism against Gender-Based Violence starting today with the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women, we are hearing Marcus' perspective on the role of men in this important work.
What does it mean to be a true ally in the gender equality movement? Can you talk about a time when you got it wrong as an ally, and what you learned from that experience?
I think for me, it's about showing up consistently rather than when it's convenient or comfortable. A key dedication toward this is to listen deeply to ensure supporting women's voices to be heard and challenge systems that do not support women.
I have always thought of myself as an ally, but I always am actively learning and changing to become a better one. I haven't always got it right. In my early days of allyship, something I always did was to ensure everyone, including women, were heard; when I started to decentre myself and prioritise the impact of women’s voices, I really started to make steps and strides forward in being an ally for the gender equality movement.
A key message here is that allyship is a practice. It is something that myself and the community that calls themselves allies are continuing to reflect, by enacting change through feedback, and we try to have a genuine willingness to sit with discomfort.
How do you navigate the balance between using your voice and making space for others, especially women, in advocacy work?
Well, the facts are, men are heard differently, and we need to acknowledge that as men. I believe this comes with a responsibility … We need to be using our voice to create safer spaces, challenge other men who may be on a different part of their journey in allyship and to redirect attention, rather than holding the attention ourselves.
Something we do in the family and domestic violence space, and in the social services space in general, is to receive consultation from people with lived experience. I think similar principles need to be applied through our allyship – whether its listening in our relationships, how we behave as men in public, or even how we co-design and consult alongside the women we work with.
Something that has significantly resonated with me is how I have learned to share power and not just offer support. The 16 Days of Activism [against Gender-Based Violence] is a time to reflect on what advocacy means, and I believe it is not just about lending influence: it's about redistributing influence! That is one of the core responsibilities men hold through how our voices are heard differently.
What do you see as the most powerful things men can do to support the gender equality movement? How do you approach having difficult conversations with male peers around sexism, harmful behaviours or gendered violence?
We need to be encouraging men to do the internal work by reflecting on their own biases and anything throughout their lives that may have conditioned or contributed to those biases. Ensuring that there is self-education, rather than relying on women to do that labour and thinking for us men, is vital here. There is a big difference between saying the right thing and doing the hard thing – and large shifts and progression in allyship often comes from doing the hard things.
We need to be approaching family, friends and all the men in our networks with curiosity and respect, not shame. I have used a question like, “Have you thought about how that might come across?” in a way that requires thinking with no shame. When I am supporting allies to continue their journey, I ask powerful questions like “Who benefits when men stay silent?” or “If your daughter, partner or mother was in the room, would you still say that?”
I continually demonstrate that vulnerability is strength, particularly when I'm engaging men. I openly share the mistakes I have made through my journey of allyship to normalise learning the concept of growth as an ally. I have found that modelling the behaviour myself invites others to reflect on their allyship and change to do better.
If you could say one thing to men who want to help but feel unsure of where to start, what would it be? What’s the hardest, but most necessary, truth men need to face when it comes to their role in gender inequality? What does true solidarity with women and survivors look like to you?
Here is the truth, men benefit from the same systems that disadvantage women; even if we don't mean to, we do. We need to remember that silence equals complicity, so good intentions aren't enough when it comes to our role in gender inequality – we have a much larger responsibility here.
It all starts with listening. We need to learn to sit with discomfort instead of rushing to have an exchange or fix or explain. One thing in my experience is that solidarity means risk. Yes, it does mean challenging the people that we may have had a relationship [with] our whole lives, like a brother or a friend or leaders within our networks. It is uncomfortable and unpopular, but it is the right thing to do.
True solidarity with women and survivors looks like advocating for systems to change, even if that system benefits us as men. We need to always ensure that we centre the voices and the needs of those who are most impacted by gender-based violence.
To find out more about the 16 Days of Activism and access resources, see here.
