Keep your eyes on things above

I’ve just returned from a holiday overseas, which was very enjoyable – thanks for asking.

When I’m travelling, I like to see the sights or any main points of interest to tourists, but I also like to visit churches. I should clarify: I’m referring to large churches in large cities. I like to wander in a cathedral, not just drop in to the neighbourhood Baptist church to see who’s on morning tea this Sunday.

Some of the churches are centuries old and can be quite ornate, with statues, and large paintings and gold-leafed fittings. Some – especially in the Catholic and Orthodox traditions – have the ceilings painted with magnificent Bible scenes, images of Jesus and the disciples, or angels.

This got me thinking – if we decided to add a bit of colour to Salvation Army halls, what would we paint on the ceiling? What would an Army version of the Sistine Chapel look like? (Now I have a vision of God’s hand with a finger reaching out to touch William Booth’s finger.)

How about we keep it simple and just go with a huge Army flag? Surely it would serve as a motivational and inspiring artwork, and the big star in the middle would remind you of the sun and mentally trick you into thinking it was warm even during the depths of winter.

On the other hand, having a huge and very visible ‘Blood & Fire’ in view might alarm visitors and scare small children, not to mention raise an issue for WHS inspectors – ‘Fire? Where? Blood? Write an incident report.’

Maybe the painting should be Salvation Army doctrines. That way, when you nod off to sleep during the sermon and your head falls back with your mouth open, you can just tell people you are studying the doctrines.

Perhaps it should be an image of William and Catherine Booth – the much-loved and respected founders of The Salvation Army. Surely their happy, smiling faces would encourage and inspire all who saw them.

Just one problem: have you ever seen an image of them smiling? Catherine could raise a slight Mona Lisa smile every now and then, but William constantly looked like he’d stepped on some Lego or stubbed his toe.

You could have a large image of Jesus on your ceiling; however, which Jesus would you portray? The one who looks like a very white-skinned, blonde-haired Californian surfer? How about the meek, mild Jesus holding a lamb? What about a crucified Jesus, dripping in blood? Maybe just a bearded bloke working in a carpenter’s shop?

I’m not sure if any of these would work. The last thing we need is 96-year-old Mrs Jones looking up during the meeting and loudly proclaiming, ‘I see Jesus!’.

Perhaps the best solution is simply to put a mirror on the roof. While it would take some getting used to, it would allow the corps officer to double the attendance stats when the count is done!

Major Mal Davies is the Assistant Divisional Commander for the Victoria Division