Moving men from shame to safety
- deansimpson7
- Jun 23
- 4 min read
The Salvation Army Family Violence Team in Gippsland, Victoria, runs the Integrated Men’s Group, which focuses on supporting men who choose to engage in violence within intimate-partner relationships. Salvos Online journalist ANTHONY CASTLE spoke to Rebecca Wilson, the Integrated Men’s Services Team Leader, about the group’s vital work in helping men unpack shame while safeguarding victim-survivors.
The men’s group sounds like a unique program with a lot at stake. How does it operate?
The men’s group comprises 10 to 14 men, meeting face-to-face during the day or as an online group in the evening. Our group work is facilitated by a male and female to role model healthy, respectful relationships. Our focus is to keep victim-survivors safe and mitigate the use of violence, whilst providing support and family violence education to the men and Family Safety Contact (FSC) to the partner or ex-partner(s).
We have contact with victim-survivors and current partners through an FSC worker. This is mandatory and ensures family members and partners are aware of what is occurring in the group space in relation to content, and to offer support for them as family violence victim-survivors. Having FSC also ensures that we have a clear lens on the family and the experience of all victim-survivors. The men who are participating are often living with their families, including children or extended families.
The group is the only one of its kind delivered by the Salvos in Australia. What models and methods does it employ?
The group space encourages peer discussion and provides psychoeducation about family violence and the impacts of family violence on victim-survivors, both adults and children. We adapt the delivery of content to what the men’s life experiences have been with consideration of mental health, incarceration, AOD, education levels and cognitive ability. The content is reviewed before each group session to ensure that it is delivered in a way that addresses what the men are bringing into the space and their use of violence within their relationships, historic or current.
The Duluth model underpins our work, and we apply an intersectional lens to our modes of delivering content. We consider trauma history and life experiences. These experiences by no means excuse any use of violence in relationships. Many people have life experiences that have been traumatic and don’t use violence.
Men referred may have criminal histories coupled with family violence, unsupported mental health complexities, along with alcohol and other drug use. We are working with families that may have experienced intergenerational violence and unhealthy role modelling. Families are often intact and residing together, unlike other specialist family violence programs such as Family Violence Case Management. What’s at stake is the safety and lives of the victim-survivors.
What types of men do you see coming to the group?
The cohort is quite varied. They can be men who are interested in making a change and are motivated to make different decisions about their behaviour. We have men who are corrections clients, professionals, and men who have been incarcerated. Not all of the men are motivated. Even if they’re mandated to be in the group by an order from Corrections or Child Protection, there is often resistance. We discuss what’s happened within their families, the use of violence, and assess their capacity to take on the information and reflection in the group setting. It can be quite confronting for some of our men, as they have often never had these types of direct conversations.
Hearing how they have hurt those close to them must be confronting. How do they process that?
We often get a minimisation of the behaviour and the use of violence. We give them the opportunity to tell their story, we listen, and we ensure we’re not colluding with them. We will put a boundary in place around language or behaviour. We are very transparent about expectations. We will challenge a client and push back on victim blaming or a skewed version of events. We need to gauge how they respond and be able to manage this in a safe manner for all involved in the group space.
What’s the risk of delving into such hard conversations? What can it bring up for the men, for their families?
Our men can be very vulnerable, as the reflection and understanding of the violence used in their relationships develops. This can increase risk to themselves, including self-harm, and the risk to families. The men are having first-time conversations about the impact of their behaviour. We often hear the phrase “not wanting to be like my old man”. The realisation that the use of violent behaviours is like what they experienced as a child from their own “old man” has a huge impact, bringing shame and guilt.
We are very aware of the impacts this can bring to the men and ensure they are supported, with referrals to ongoing appropriate services if needed and safety planning is completed with clients. We are constantly assessing risk to the families whilst working with the men in group to ensure we are aware of and mitigating risk.
What’s the key to managing that shame and guilt? How do you bring someone who has been violent through that journey, safely to the other side?
Guilt is going to keep you repeating a behaviour. Shame can be paralysing and inhibit change. We have a safety plan about the men’s behaviour, the new emotions that group work may bring, and any thoughts or feelings that may come from these discussions. We discuss body signs, the impact of emotions on your body. What to do if things become overwhelming and having the ability to make a different decision about behaviour in the moment, such as removing yourself or having a plan in place and agreed to with a partner, before things blow up.
The men are offered a space in group to reflect on their violent behaviour used, and the tools to make change. This is done in a respectful, non-judgmental and supportive manner to strive for safe and positive outcomes for the families we work with.
