The heavy burdens no one needs
BY KIRRALEE NICOLLE
Do you feel worn out by religion? I do.
When I talk about religion in this way, I’m not referring to a faith practice that makes you feel more connected to yourself, humanity, nature and God. Whether that involves taking communion in a cathedral, praying, walking barefoot in a forest, or laughing with friends at a dinner party, it is a spiritual practice and a wonderful kind of religiosity.
What I’m referring to is the kind of obligation that makes you feel heavy, weary and worn.
I recently saw a reel on Instagram where a young content creator was talking about the ‘dos and don’ts’ of being a single Christian in his 20s. Get married young, but don’t rush into it and skip getting to know someone well first. Read your Bible to know God, but don’t think you can know God fully without input from the church. Be at church multiple times a week, but make sure you prioritise the rest of your life too. He felt it was all a bit too much to take, and I agree.
As a young Christian, I felt these often-conflicting obligations all too well. I was constantly involved in church activities and organising events, trying very hard to be a perfect girlfriend, then fiancé, then wife, daughter, daughter-in-law, sister, and a consistently attentive friend. I was reading my Bible regularly and praying daily, yet I felt spiritually weak. And, in fact, I was. I was so busy trying to be what everyone else wanted me to be that I forgot who I was made to be.
Luckily, my 20s are behind me, and my faith has matured too. But I still find myself caught up in the long list of dos and don’ts that plague my age and stage of life and faith.
Be consistently present with your children, but also speak out on social media about the injustices in the world, all the time. Make sure you look after yourself, but don’t focus on yourself too much. Hold strict boundaries with your children and enforce them every time, but also be unswervingly gentle and kind. Always be available and follow through on agreed plans, but always remember to prioritise rest so you can be as present as possible. Make sure you feed your family healthy food, but also stick to a budget that feels painfully thin during a cost-of-living crisis.
Arrghhh. Does it ever stop?
These ideas, whether they come from religion or another part of society, tell us that at the very least, something here is very wrong. It is wrong that many of us feel a sense of obligation that was never ours to bear, and that points to cracks in the system that primarily affect those already under strain. Financial strain, social isolation, or a sense of crushing obligation are usually not just individual issues from a single source; they are more often systemic and reflect a bigger problem.
Religious groups can both cause and alleviate this feeling of overwhelm. The dos and don’ts of unhealthy religion are not just guidelines: when they cause pain and suffering among those trying to simply find peace, they can lead us away from our inherent spirituality and towards something that feels far more controlling.
One important role of a healthy faith community can be to cut through cultural noise and help people listen to the still, small voices within them, reminding them of their core values.
When you find yourself in a system that requires something of you, it’s worth pausing to consider how that requirement leaves you feeling. Does it make you feel more like yourself, more relaxed, more in control of your thoughts and feelings? Or does it leave you feeling anxious, wary and on edge? We will all feel anxious and overwhelmed from time to time, but it’s important to consider the long-term implications of what is being asked of you. Is this sustainable?
In Matthew 23:4, Jesus condemned the hypocrisy and oppression by the religious leaders of the time towards the people they were meant to serve. “They tie up heavy, cumbersome loads and put them on other people’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them,” he said. These are harsh words, directed at those who were knowingly or not making people’s lives harder.
Another key line from Jesus, also in the book of Matthew, is his reassurance in chapter 11, verse 30. “… my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” In this, Jesus compares the weights cattle bore in ancient cultures with the pressure imposed by the religious leaders, and contrasts it with his own gentle approach.
As we navigate the various social, professional and online worlds we inhabit, it’s not only important to ask ourselves how we are feeling, but also how we are treating others. Are we expecting things of others that are unfair or unreasonable, or are we approaching them through perhaps too-narrow a way of thinking?
As we disciple, plan and build communities, let’s consider how we can ease the aching shoulders of those around us and of ourselves.
