We’ll be back after the ads

I’m a keen cricket fan and enjoy watching the different forms of the game. Summer is a great time to watch cricket on TV, and I enjoy nothing more than sitting back with a cold (non-alcoholic) drink and watching some good cricket.
I have, however, become increasingly peeved with the commercials shown during summer and the number of advertisers who work hard to get cricket terms and references into their ads. Often the ad will also include cheap cricket graphics or even a final line spoken by a smiling Aussie test cricketer resting a bat on his shoulder.
“Don’t let cheap fakes hit you for six. For Aussie-made tractors with genuine parts, come to Wilson’s – we’ll help you hit a winner.”
“Come and talk to us at Quality Insurance. We’ll bowl you over with our low fees and match-winning service.”
“Why fumble around looking for the right part when you can take a classic catch with Humpty Doo Spare Parts? Stumped for where to start looking? Speak to us ... we’ve been in the business for longer than a Bradman innings.”
I wonder what would happen if some of these advertisers decided to go with a Salvation Army theme, complete with a smiling, fake, model Salvo in uniform saying some of the lines.
“Time to buy some new runners? Head to Core Athletics for all your sports needs. Fire a volley as you try on the latest Dunlop Volleys.”
“The SES has served Australians for more than 50 years – if there’s blood and fire, call us.”
“William was good and Catherine was great, but wait until you try Radio Booth! This best-selling home karaoke machine can now be yours for just $99. No need for self-denial – you know you want it!”
“It’s summer; it’s hot – it’s Streets Cornetto time! An Aussie favourite for generations, the Cornetto’s wafer cone, creamy ice cream and flavoured sauce topping is just what you need. We love the sound of a cornet … and we love the taste of a Cornetto!”
“Legendary indie punk band Slave Nation will be appearing live at the Burvale Hotel this Saturday night. Whether you’re a new fan or a long-time soldier in the Slave Nation Army, come along and hear all their hits.”
“Aussies love a good General – Eva Burrows was our favourite – and the best general is General Motors. Whether it’s the new-model Chevy or a tough GMC truck, we’re the General for you.”
“If you’re into Ducati bikes, we’ve got all the latest models, all the best parts, loads of good advice and experienced riders who can tell you why Ducati is the bike for you. Here at Ducati headquarters, we’ve got all the answers. Come and see us at DHQ and we’ll tell you to get on your bike.”
Major Mal Davies is the Assistant Divisional Commander for the Victoria Division